Discover with the integration of Wikipedia more details about the events, people and places of your book. Whether romantic, platonic, professional or family, the relationships in your life have probably linked you to silent agreements, the implicit “rules” of relationships that arise from the unspoken beliefs and expectations that both parties have. In his new book SILENT AGREEMENTS: How to Free Your Relationships of Unspoken Expectations (Rodale Books; Trade original paperback; $16.99; Clinical psychologists Drs. Linda D. Anderson, Sonia R. Banks and Michele L. Owens help readers define silent expectations in their lives by providing the necessary for healthier communication. A big problem with this oppression is that even feelings that seem to be buried will arise from behavior. Because we have doubts and fears about the sharing of our feelings, we compromise with ourselves in the form of silent agreements. We now believe that such feelings will create difficulties by expressing them aloud, so we reach an agreement with ourselves and with others to make life easier by keeping quiet. You may also find that you are in a silent agreement when you talk about anything but what really bothers you. Often, when you feel powerless to change a situation, try not to ignore how much it bothers you and instead invest energy in trying to minimize or deny your emotions. In those days, we tell ourselves that it is more peaceful to be silent.
And sometimes we are so aware that even when we talk about things, the harmful silent arrangement always goes further. If you have relationships, you`ve probably been part of silent agreements. Unspoken agreements are the implicit “rules” of your relationship, born of unspoken beliefs and expectations that have both sides, that stem from your first experiences and that are reinforced as you mature. It`s like “The person who makes more money should pay for the data” or “My boss doesn`t offer me a raise, and he knows I don`t ask for it.” These agreements can interfere with your relationships and remain insensitized due to fear, aversion to conflict, sense of duty or guilt. Given that expectations are so scarce and none of them will address the issue, a silent agreement can generate discontent and resentment on both sides. From television and film to books, tumultuous love stories are lacking everywhere you watch. But a new book deals with the “silent agreements” and “unspoken expectations” that stifle those relationships. Sarah`s model of staying in relationships for too long is a remnant of the harsh rejection and pain she experienced in saying out loud what her mother would not do.